If you have been reading my blog the past couple of weeks, you’ll have got the gist that I’m feeling quite down and fed up with life. And whilst I do still very much feel this way, last week on Friday night (14th), I had one of the best times I’ve had in years, many years, and an evening I have longed to have for probably now, well over a decade.
On Friday night my two best friends from work came round my house, we had a takeaway Nando’s, watched Bridget Jones 2, and just had a good chat and a gossip. I cannot express how long I have wanted to have friends to be able to ask round and have an evening like this…not doing anything special, just relaxing and being in each other’s company. Not having to do anything in particular, just enjoying doing nothing, together.
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| Me and my friends having our Nando’s takeaway |
I have wanted this for so, so long and I know it sounds stupid because most people don’t think anything of having friends round for a meal and a film-it is something of a normal occurrence in most people’s lives. But to me, it was massive. And it made me feel so happy. For those three hours they were round mine, I had a feeling in my stomach of one that I didn’t recognise. A few butterflies fluttering…I felt happy and content. Anorexia wasn’t interfering in any way, shape or form. And I had one of the best times I can remember.
The takeaway Nando’s didn’t bother me in the slightest. Actually, nothing bothered or distressed me. Sitting cosily on the sofa together in our PJ’s, there was nowhere else I would have rather been, nothing else I would rather have been doing.
I think friends are often taken for granted. People just come to expect that they will always have friends, that they will always be there, be available, and want to do things with you. But having been without friends for so long, I truly value what I have now and every time they agree to do something with me, express a keenness to be in my company, I am overjoyed…and I try to hold on to this-someone actually wants to be in my company.
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| Me and my friends on the sofa, ready for Bridget Jones |
I had been thinking that my life was going nowhere, nothing was improving. But on reflection, my social life has got so much better and a few years ago I could only have dreamt of having friends round and spending a night like this.
So my post for this week is quite short and sweet. I had a lovely time with my friends and I’m not going to ruin it with any negativity. Friends are helping me unlock my anorexic prison cell. And for those who are also locked in their prison cell, you should never give up…anorexia is an incredibly lonely illness and it may feel like friends are people that everyone else has and no one wants to be your friend-believe me, I have felt like this for many, many years. I thought I was destined to be lonely and miserable. And yes, things aren’t perfect at the moment, far from, but building friendships makes everything seem a whole lot better. My friends are starting to make parts of my life enjoyable. You have to make an effort to get out there and face life, but once you start making true friends, you realise anorexia was no substitute.